Expectations

I expected to see the fruit of artistic expression as an appropriate outlet for stress. I found that I did indeed feel relieved and refreshed through practice of art. I used to fear that being artistic meant I had to live in strong emotion. Instead I find that through art I can experience, express, and move on with emotion. Emotion leaves the tormented place inside my head, and finding expression, it takes residence on a piece of paper where I can reflect on it more objectively.

I expected the practice of artistry would provide time of silence, solitude, meditation, and reflection before God. I encountered this in spades. I have fallen in love with my sketch journal. Not only as a place to record ideas, but a tool for remembering and marking what God has shown.

I expected to gain a new model and praxis for artistry as part of a wholly surrendered Christian walk. This was a struggle. I had many doubts about the holiness and usefulness of art in life and ministry. I had relegated it to icing, instead of the core cake of my life. Indeed, as I surrendered my pen back to the Lord, I have found new joy and life in being a Christian artist. This has not replaced the call or yearning for pastoral ministry; it has colored it. It is now rendered lifelike, real, vibrant, and personal to me. I am very excited about this.