Being Buletproof

You have heard it said,

"Be transparent,"

but I say to unto you,

"Be vulnerable."

Transparency is one directional. Vulnerability is open to a reaction - good, bad or ugly. Transparency is safe. Vulnerability can get you hurt.

"Let me in," He said.

"I can't really love you, because you never

gave me permission to hurt you."

I had never really thought about the difference between transparency and vulnerability. I had always valued being transparent.

"Why not?" I thought. "My worth and identity do not hinge on what you think of me."

I could tell you anything because I didn't care one lick what you thought. I saw this as a strength. I thought this was what self assured honesty looked like. I was bulletproof! And if you zinged one past my defenses, that would be the last time you were allowed to be that close.

Transparency can be an unassailable see-through fortress. I dwelled in transparency throwing out peace signs, platitudes and pebbles, protected from the wounds of the crowd or worse yet the wounds of a friend.

"Why would you let that person in?" I would ask when she was grieving the wounds of a friend. "Didn't you see this pain was coming? I don't understand."

"Wounds will heal," she said, "but in the wounding and healing we begin to know and love each other."

Christian faith is about relationship - relationship with God, relationship with others. And, relationship requires vulnerability. If I don't give you permission to speak into my life, with all of the risk and even assurance of pain that being open will bring, then you can't really know me. You can't really love me. I won't let you.

I see this from the other side now too. I can't reach you if your world is only see-through. The messy giving and receiving of love and pain is the hallmark of authentic Christian communion. Don't believe me? Then look at His hands, His side. That was vulnerable. That was love.

It doesn't get more open and receptive than Christ on the cross extending forgiveness for our sins.

Some say to be more Christ like we need to love more. I think the real deficiency is being vulnerable enough to receive. It is a sacred art.